I hate that my entire life feels like it is a constant struggle. I mean I completely lost my shit last night. I saw red.
Yesterday I went and picked up my oldest from school, then we went to my neighbors. Got the divorce paperwork done. I was elated, happy and just waiting for legal to approve and send back to me. They normally get it back in 24 hours. Here is the tricky part. He is leaving his motel on Tuesday. So I need to print and file the paperwork at the court house. Have him served while he still has an address. Supposedly he does not have a place to go.
I knew this was coming but my FIL went and took my husband out for lunch. So he is all bent out of shape. Saying my husband has truly hit rock bottom. That he is facing living out of his car. Okay and by the way Tom, that is MY CAR as of right now.
Tom thinks I should talk to my husband. Tom thinks this. Tom thinks that. I went off. I really said some mean nasty things. He said some shit too. Like threatening to move out. I said FUCKING GO then. I don't need you trying to tell me that he has changed. I don't give a rats ass. He starts to raise his voice, I remember saying "YOU THINK YOU CAN RAISE YOUR VOICE TO ME".
Why is it as soon as I raise my voice and start screaming like a raving lunatic someone takes me seriously. Why? Why do I have to drop the f-bomb and clench my fists in anger. Gaaaaaah. I normally stew quietly in my anger but last night I could have went for blood. Calm cool collected fuck no. I am ready for a battle.
I talked to him briefly this morning. I said I am too angry to talk to you still, I feel like you betrayed me. I guess he is taking my hb over to his Aunt's house to see if he can go live there tomorrow. Well Tom maybe you can live with her too. I am so fed up.
OMG, I need some serious calming vibes. I am furious and I have a feeling he is going to wind up getting kicked the fuck out soon. He set a date and let me know when he is leaving. Don't threaten me asshole.
We all vent with stress, but you have to calm down. Why you? why not you. What a lot of people forget about in a divorce is how much emotional turmoil it causes the kids. You don't love your ex anymore, that's easy, your ex don't love you anymore, that's easy enough too. Your kids still love both of you, which direction do they take? The older they are, the more they try to see both sides, but let's face it, they haven't learned enough about this world to make a lot of decision about life decisions. He sees his father kicked in the face, regardless of the reasons or regardless if his father was wrong, it still hurts him to see someone he looked up to fall on his face. You have earned the right to be angry, to do want your are doing, but you have to look at your son point of view, or you might lose two for one. Your son loves you, but he also loves his dad...
ReplyDeleteI should clarify,fil is father in law Tom is his name. My son does love Daddy. My father in law wants me to talk to my husband and forgive him. In all honesty I do want my husband to get better. I do want him to some day be a father. Alas with the possible child abuse charges I don't know if that will ever happen.
ReplyDeleteMy son is 8, he has voiced his concerns that he is scared of Daddy. it is tough because he is the one who suffered the most over the summer. yeah I'm the one divorcing my roommates son.hard but I own thus house he moved in here about a year ago.
ReplyDeleteThanks, i got myself misguided... As a parent, I guess he's trying to look out for his son. But sometimes rock bottom is the only way people wake up to their problems. It has to be rough to look at him everyday (fil) with things like it is. And when it's time to get back to dating, awkward will be the word. Only life knows wants in our future. I hope your son finds his inner peace. Any you also...
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