Did we start to blog because we had so much we wanted to say and couldn't say to our SO?
I know 7 of us now that are getting divorced. I guess it saddens me that so many of us have to go through the process. Once we make it through life will be better. Some of you have to worry about custody, alimony, selling your house etc etc. HUGE life changes but we will make it to the other side:) I am thinking about you.
The ninety day wait was up for me here in PA. I filed the motion to go forward with the divorce just waiting to find out if the judge needs anything else. I could not turn in my settlement request because my husband has not signed off on it. Not sure where he is at the moment. I just want to be free of him. Break all ties. I know that I can never truly break free but hell I can try!
Okay I have had quite a few emails with people reaching out to me, some ARE currently in abusive relationships. Some of you are reaching out with words of encouragement saying you have been there done that. I truly do appreciate it. I am in NO POSITION to offer anyone help on domestic violence situations nor am I trained professional in the matter. I am still healing and slowly making the climb back up my mountain. I will NOT offer advice nor will I help you. You need to help yourself and the first thing you can do is call the domestic violence hotline at the end of this post.
Here is a little bit of my story for those of you reaching out. If you think you may be in an abusive relationship get help from a professional NOT ME!
I guess what I am thinking is that for me, looking back, I started blogging because deep down inside a voice was telling me I was done with my marriage. I just did not have the courage that I needed to end it. I had this overwhelming urge to try to fix a man who didn't want the help. I first started blogging about my "so called marriage" 4 years ago. I used you all as a sounding board. Some of you I emailed telling you in detail about some of the abuse asking if I asked for it, or if they would ever do something like that. I thought I pushed him too far by giving back my rings, telling him I was done, asking for an open marriage, taking away his credit cards etc. Of course someone would get angry and threaten you right? NO not right. No one should EVER make you feel unsafe. No one should ever make you walk on egg shells or be quiet in your house because he wants to sleep all day. Don't wake Daddy up, he will be angry. Very angry.
I have a lot of women who email me asking me about emotional abuse vs physical abuse. The emotional abuse was 95% of the abuse for me. Though I know deep down inside the physical abuse was going to get worse. The first couple times he would get mad and something would be thrown, the one time it hit me in the face. I denied that it happened, said no he could not have thrown that at me. Then second time was the big one that he went after my son for coming down from time out too early, he went after my son and I went after my husband to pull him off my son. He punched me in leg. I still tried to help the man and went to his doctor I was still willing to blame his medications because I was scared of divorce.
The last time was the straw that broke the camel's back. I drew the line at physical abuse but I should have drawn the line with the emotional abuse. I got the PFA(protection from abuse) put into effect which was scary as all hell but necessary.
Bruises can heal but sometimes the emotional abuse lingers. You question yourself, your insecurities rear their ugly head but you keep on fighting for a better life. If you are a women who is suffering from emotional abuse seek professional help contact a local domestic violence shelter and get in counselling. I had the phone number hidden in my cell phone because I knew he was going to cross the line at some point. Get the help you need or at least find out what your options are. No one should stay in an abusive relationship. There is help out there for you. This is for a few of you I have gotten emails from. My gmail account is not my primary email, I don't check it as often as I should. Just if you think you might need help, I can't help you, I am not a professional. I keep repeating myself I know but I have had so many reach out to me. I just can't be involved. My only advice to you is contact a local domestic violence center.
SAFETY ALERT!
Computer use can be monitored and is impossible to completely clear. If you are afraid your internet and/or computer usage might be monitored, please use a safer computer, and/or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE(7233) orTTY 1−800−787−3224.
http://www.thehotline.org/ Domestic Violence Website with hotline.
