What would have been my 11th wedding anniversary is on Saturday. I have to remind myself of the good memories and not constantly remember only the bad ones.
I miss, the cuddles, how he would make me laugh, all the fun things someone would have in a marriage. I been wallowing in bitterness.
I know I don't want him back. I do want to try again but with someone else.
just feel like I turn turned to another chapter in my life. It feels good, yes my marriage was bad but I rather remember some of the good times than be bitter, negative and full of regrets. Life goes on. I have three beautiful kids, and a neighbors daughter who is practically mine. I'm lucky, blessed, beautiful, roof over my head and food on the table. For so long I said I can do this. Now its like I am doing this and doing the best I can.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
nostalgic
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Okay Okay explaining myself better hopefully;)
Tons of emails from my last post.
This chick has done nothing with her life except build relationships based off lust. The corner stone of my marriage was sex. I built a relationship off of sex. I need to do things the other way around. I need to build a relationship off emotions, love, having things in common, seeing the world similar and having the same goals in life. One of the things that destroyed my marriage was when I lost the only connection that I had with him..............the SEX.
I feel like I have learned a very good lesson that sex alone can't build a relationship. I am not claiming that sex was the only thing we had but it was too big of component. It was the only emotional connection I think I had with him. I had this driving urge to settle and have children. Then he became the father of my children, now he is just the sperm donor since he is not a father to them at all. Maybe this will change in the future but I am not holding my breath.
Yes I understand that you have to be attractive to someone and have that lust but why should I start with sex? I want to like the way the think. I want to date not just sex.
So noooooooooo not sending out naked pictures. Not going to be emotional support for the married men in my life or the emotionally unavailable ones. Not going to feed inner whore at the moment.
Doesn't mean I won't have sex just means that right now, I want an emotional connection first not jump into bed then try to find a connection. Let them be surprised later when they find out I give very good blow jobs or that I could have sex everyday. Or that I am not a one orgasm women, one just gets me started. I want them to accept me on a personal level and love me for me, not just sex.
This chick has done nothing with her life except build relationships based off lust. The corner stone of my marriage was sex. I built a relationship off of sex. I need to do things the other way around. I need to build a relationship off emotions, love, having things in common, seeing the world similar and having the same goals in life. One of the things that destroyed my marriage was when I lost the only connection that I had with him..............the SEX.
I feel like I have learned a very good lesson that sex alone can't build a relationship. I am not claiming that sex was the only thing we had but it was too big of component. It was the only emotional connection I think I had with him. I had this driving urge to settle and have children. Then he became the father of my children, now he is just the sperm donor since he is not a father to them at all. Maybe this will change in the future but I am not holding my breath.
Yes I understand that you have to be attractive to someone and have that lust but why should I start with sex? I want to like the way the think. I want to date not just sex.
So noooooooooo not sending out naked pictures. Not going to be emotional support for the married men in my life or the emotionally unavailable ones. Not going to feed inner whore at the moment.
Doesn't mean I won't have sex just means that right now, I want an emotional connection first not jump into bed then try to find a connection. Let them be surprised later when they find out I give very good blow jobs or that I could have sex everyday. Or that I am not a one orgasm women, one just gets me started. I want them to accept me on a personal level and love me for me, not just sex.
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