I'm ready

I'm ready to put myself on pussy lock down. I dunno hard to explain but my travels proved to me how easy it would be to go out and have meaningless sex. I was kissed by a man who I had hours of conversation with thought he was pretty nice.I balked on letting him in my room...despite the attraction. The next morning I see him waiting for the shuttle to the airport with one very hung over women. It was his girl friend or wife ugh I hate being the other women.
I'm the other women in so many factions, to so many people. I don't want to be second best,I want to be first. I don't want a meaningless fuck.I think I'm ready to to love again and be loved.
Some might think it is too soon but if you look at how long I faked my marriage, I know that I'm ready. I have goals, I want a bigger family. I want to experience a life where two people are in it together for the greater good. I want to foster children or adopt.
Right now being a single mother I still "foster"other children, one comes with me everywhere. I love her like she is my own, her mother is so checked out she is amazing. I feel like I could really do some good.
Fate will ultimately decide but I hope it happens sooner than later. If not I'm okay. I really do have an amazingly life at present. My state dictates that I can't foster unless I have a spouse but hey if it is not meant to be it isn't meant to be.
I guess I'm okay being single soon to be divorced but sexless by choice. I can't settle for anything less.