Been one of those weeks

Last week in family counselling, my daughter revealed that DH, chased her around the house with an airsoft gun over the summer and shot her in the knee. I was shocked, angry with him and  angry with myself .  Angry at myself that my kids did not feel safe to open up to me until now.  Angry that this is just coming up. If I would have known then I would have had them listed individually on the PFA.  I know you can't blame yourself for something that you had no control over but still I am their Mother.  Why didn't my intuition kick in?  Yes he was verbally abusive to me but I have no idea the scope of the abuse that went on towards my children.  It hurts to see my kids hurt. 

Yesterday I heard from my husband via an email.  I had applied for the children's social security income and got approved.  He lost their money this month.  He sent me a sob email, wanting the money back.  I did not respond.  I just don't care what happens to him. I really don't at this point.  I think I finally understand what hate means.  I think for once I am capable of hating someone.  I hate him that I still fear him.  I hate him that I still have nightmares of him punching himself in the face, then telling me he was going to break my jaw.  I hate him for spitting on me.  I loathe him.  I HATE HIM FOR what he has done to my kids.  I hate that I stared at my computer screen, scared to open the email.  How do I get rid of the fear?  How does one simple email dredge up all these emotions so quickly and fiercely?

Saturday I had to call Child Protection Services on my husband, they came out on Sunday assessed the situation.  Then my intake case worker came out for a visit last night.  He was very kind and I feel handled the kids like a pro.  By law he has to go see my hb and let him know about investigation.

So now I sit here and wait.  Wait to see if my hb dares to contact me again.  Wait to see if he flips out and sends me an email once the case worker visits him. 

I have no idea what to expect.  I don't know if they will bring up charges against him. I say throw his ass in jail and let him rot.  After all this time he still has power over me and I can't stand that.