It has been a crazy ride

I don't even know where to start.  I just know that I need to vent. I don't know if I will update much but need a place to just be honest.

After months of him trying to accidentally overdose and me begging him to take his medication correctly, we might have started the process of getting him help.

He came after me on Tuesday.  He went after my son and I got in between.  He 100% crossed the line.  My pitbull bit him and he went after her.  He was a mad man.  I tried to leave and he took my keys.  Locked me out of the house.  I called the police.  He rolled through the neighborhood as the police came and they pursued him.  He got about a half a mile away and tried to run.  The police pulled guns and made him lay down on the ground.  They allowed him back in the house to get some things.  When they did that he grabbed extra pain patches, checked into a hotel and was about to attempt suicide.  He posted a fucking picture on facebook of beer, lyrica, anti depressants and 2 (3 day pain patches).  I had police dispatched.  They checked on him every hour on the hour. 

We are lowering his meds now.  He was supposed to call behaviour help, he did not and lied to his doctor.  He told her he called yesterday.

He is acting like he wants help but is dragging his feet.  I want to help him but my safety comes first as well as my children. I feel like he manipulated the situation to say all the right things so I would not file a PFA.  So I would not make him leave and not be able to see the children.  Not be able to live in the house. 

Everyone keeps on blaming the drugs.  I am not sure I am buying it.  He went and opened up more credit cards.  His balance is over 40k.  A couple of months ago right before our 10th anniversary, we had a blow out.  I gave him back my rings. He all of a sudden had a change of heart and wooed me back in.  I think he figured out that he couldn't afford the house with out me.  He made an effort and is reverting back to his old ways. 

I will NOT be a victim.

I know I bounced and deleted my blog but I things were going so well with my husband that I did not want him to see what I had been doing online.

I am oddly calm about this drama in my life.  I feel like it is the start of change.  He needs help.  He has problems that I can't fix.  Who cares about our marriage at this point, the man supposedly was about to take his life.  Lets stop the father of my children from hurting himself. Though I am guarded, guarded that he is just saying all the right things.