Fuck me

Yeah pretty much.  Maybe a random fuck would make me feel better.  Life just needs a pick me up. Or maybe just to be held.  Or maybe an orgasm or three......................gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. 

To YOU.  You know who you are.

  As much as I try to stay positive it boils down to YOU and the strange spin you put me on.  FWIW you did make the right choice though sending that email and then proceeding to delete that email account after you poured out your heart............sucks because I can't respond to you.  You made the right choice.  Your last paragraph, what did you expect me to do? Live your life.  Reconcile I never asked for anything more.  Love HER!  Love her with all your heart!  Do it for your children.  I truly am happy for you.  You are right..............the last paragraph.

I am stressed beyond....though coping.  I now have 2 court dates next week.  My hopefully stbx had his violation hearing.  6 month probation and anger management. 

Custody hearing next week on the 13th which of course scares the crap out of me.  I am torn.  My children miss him and love him.  It has been 10 months since they have had contact.  Breaks my heart that they miss him so much.  At the same time I am selfish b/c he shouldn't be able to see them!  Not if in my heart I feel like they are just a dollar amount.

So I have the exclusion from the property hearing on the 16th now as well!  My 3000.00 retainer is gone that my parents paid.  I feel bad asking for more money so I will pay the 128.00 I owe.  Then ask for a payment plan. The two hearings next week looking at the bill should be about another 2000.00.

I need my vacation.  I need I need I need....SEX.....frustrated.

Is it so bad I just want to lose myself in sex with someone other than myself?  That I want to just be wanted and reciprocate?  Wrap my lips around cock? 

I am so ready for school to start!  I am worn thin with the daily routine.  I feel like a robot.  I feel withdrawn.  I don't know what I want except to be done with seeing him.  I hate that I saw him on Friday.  I hate that now I have to see him 2 times next week and possibly again next week.  I am going to the court house tomorrow to extend the PFA.

I swear I am about to tap out 401k and say take the money.  Sign off your kids and go.  I don't care about the money because you will NOT break them. 

Scared, lost, sexually frustrated, bitchy needy ANGRY...........you name it.

All over the place and one of the ones which I will wind up deleting at some point.